Sandal Rediscovered

The first legend concerns The Sandal. On seeing it, ANTIBELL immediately stooped to pick it up. Now, some argue that it was positional hypertension, others that it was the 2 gallons of wine, and more still argue it was fear, but he had enormous trouble standing upright after gathering the prize in his shaky hand, for yea he was verily troubled. He was so distraught that he spoke in a strange tongue which sounded like “Wahphuqszisszen? Kamzonli wun?”

The Celtic Warlord (CW) and The Dark Albino (DA) both thought, at the time, that they knew what he’d said but, like The Leader, they’d been rejoicing in a nearby TEMPLE and were confused. However, on eventually straightening up his eyes glazed over and a fierce, some say manic, expression froze his countenance and he lost his supper (indeed, several meals) over a nearby fleet of Ferraris. Not very nice but this lost supper, as we call it, was the turning point. The two disciples did a runner, fearing greatly that the local gendarmes may turn up in the next few days and shrug their shoulders.

ANTIBELL was last seen that fateful night staring bleakly at The Sandal, muttering in the same strange tongue and rummaging in his trousers. What was said couldn’t be recorded for CW and DA were at mighty speed and 5 minutes later, having covered a good 30 metres, were too far away to care. (But when did accurate and timely recording of significant religious events become important?) Linguistic archaeologists, people from Newcastle, Arabists and other eminent scholars have studied The Leader’s words but the precise meaning remains elusive. The provenance of The Sandal rests, as it could do for generations, unresolved although experts in ancient Aramaic have an idea of what it’s about.

However, and this is where things get really spooky, on tentatively visiting ANTIBELL the following morning at about 1430hrs, the disciples found him in the bathroom still roaring in tongues. The Sandal had been washed and was lying, pristine and smelling of herbs, in his megalithic anointing crucible (what we call his bath) along with a pair of underpants, a nightshirt and a bloodstained Rampant Rabbit that was in its’ death throes but still buzzing quietly. He’d lost several front teeth and had trouble getting the message across to the disciples that he’d missed supper and “had no beaver last night”. At least, that’s what they took it to mean for they’d eaten beaver themselves recently at a specialist CORPUS DAVEY lunch in London.

What little we can report is based on what we cobbled together over a late breakfast of clams, oysters and champagne, namely that ANTIBELL had, among other things, tried to clean his teeth with the rabbit, mistaking it for his electric toothbrush. The brush remains missing to this very day, although certain of us who are close to him say that it can just be heard occasionally when his chief handmaiden limps into the room. (Tragic incident, unrelated and bad manners to report on.)

The Sandal bore the inscription “Carfourrs. Ga. 46” in peasant script and is central to his ravings and the whole of the ensuing story.