The Deviety Code

Most of the code is missing; indeed we don’t exactly know what it is yet although our principle scholar and expert in arcane stuff, The Dark Albino (DA), is working on it when sober. It’s assumed, in the absence of any real interest, to be a combination of a code of conduct, a means of communication and a set of rules and regulations to be followed by members of CORPUS DAVEY (CD).

The Ten Commendments (q.v.) are known to be a part of it, along with the Pillars of Positive Procrastination (q.v.) and other core philosophies like “It’s better to buy than marry” which has its roots in sound CD economic monetary theory. (This homily implies a tendency towards semi-permanence, a state which appears to fly in the face of CD’s old globalist ambitions, especially among The Shrewd of Turin. However, the interpretation of most of the code leans towards a stance of transitoriness which, it's thought, is mainly due to the fact that it’s difficult to catch mist and therefore to pay tax on it.)

The Ten Commendments:

  1. Ye shall drink only approved holy libations
  2. Ye shall eat of the bearded clam as oft as ye cann
  3. Ye shall glorify and in no way dismiss or abuse ye beaver
  4. Ye shall be wondrously chastised if ye wear bad vestments
  5. Ye shall be a Francophile and not be rude about them except as 1-3 above in “ye rules of memberFhippe”
  6. Ye sinn if ye be a man of moderation
  7. If ye be poor, tis also a sin (except if ye be The Dark Albino)
  8. Ye shall have divorced or lived in sin or coveted
  9. Ye shall attempt to rectify the sins of our hidden masters

You’ll notice there are only nine. This may be because ten was thought to be excessive, the monks who compiled them couldn’t count, or it may’ve been to allow successive politicians, clergy and managers to massage the content and add a floater depending on social conditions at the relevant time.  A fierce philosophical debate is raging - within the confines, obviously, of the Pillars - between DA and a TEMPLE barman on the subject of numerical supremacy. Are numbers more important than content? Is content more important than truth? Is truth more important than fact and, lastly, is fact factual? (Aficionados of the 9/11 conspiracy theories will chime with that one eh?)

The original 2nd Commendment has been edited here because it related to vigourous self-abuse and reflected its' monastic heritage. Female readers – who apparently don’t indulge in that sort of thing unless they’re Swedish - would, in any case, have been asked to avert their dainty gaze because it was quite graphic . Numerologists will have noted that the individual requirements for the DD, excluding the two half-bottles of wine, significantly add up to ten. If you count in the wine, it adds up to a dozen. If you add the 1 and 2 from 12 you get WE3. Now tell me there’s nothing odd going on here.

Pillars of Positive Procrastination:

  1. Only do what you can
  2. Only do what you must
  3. Think a bit before doing either
  4. Find someone else to do it
  5. The basis of culture is organised inactivity

These pillars of apparently philosophical absurdity are actually founded on some pretty good stuff - Aristotle “the first principle of action is leisure” and St Thomas Aquinas “the essence of virtue consists in the good rather than the difficult”.

Think about it. Since you’re a member and therefore rich, you’ve probably done 1 and 2, almost certainly done 3, definitely done 4 and are indulging in 5. The cornerstone is Pillar 5 - the last two words of which can be changed conveniently to “inactive organisation” which sums up the whole ethos.

Preachings, mottos, chants:

  • Better to buy than marry
  • Bah bollocks
  • Positively procrastinate when you can be bothered
  • Ruth is stranger with friction
  • Never waste an opportunity unless it stops you from procrastinating
  • Up yours you corrupt bastard etc.

Code of Conduct:

  • Treat all you meet with suspicion unless demonstrably rich
  • Treat all you meet with The Davey Tilt-and-Trump Facilitation
  • Avoid peasants
  • If unavoidable, treat peasants as they would wish to be treated
  • In TEMPLES and in public, no matter how Relaxed, maintain decorum
  • Venerate ANTIBELL
  • In good spirit, pass on commercial intelligence to WE3
  • In good spirit, pass on your wealth to WE3
  • In good spirit, pass on personal intelligence to The Dark Albino
  • Abide by The Ten Commendments
  • Abide by any other rule, regulation, code, suggestion or hint whether written down or not, as long as it comes directly from any of WE3
  • In good spirit, endure The Davey Discomfort

All the above guidelines have obviously been transcribed and modified by successive generations of CD members and are, by and large, self-explanatory. However, the treatment of peasants deserves some attention since there’s an assumption that attitudes have, or should have, changed in the intervening centuries. It depends where you are, or think you are, on the social scale.

In DeViet’s day, had there been a peasant handy he would’ve undoubtedly grabbed the nearest and casually but kindly thrown him under the wheels of the racing carts. The peasant would’ve been glad to have been of service and his widow and children grateful for a couple of seeds of corn or even a good thrashing as recompense. Had the unfortunate poor person survived, he would probably have expected, indeed demanded, to've been beaten to within an inch of his life for providing an unsatisfactory service. Anyway, DeViet would not only have survived unscathed but been happy, after the fact, to do the peasant’s family a good deed. Everybody and everything in its place.

More modern analogies might relate to soldiers being overjoyed to be sent to an illegal war by Ivy League or Etonian heavies, submerged as they are in self-survival and the growth of the oil and arms industries. Any educated person can justify his or her actions, especially if surrounded by peasants of a fawning nature who write their speeches and policies for them, and are damned glad to do so I may say. If things go a bit wrong (what-no WMD?) the Big Boys will blame it all on someone lower down the food chain but who are aware of the risks. It’s the natural order of things and it’s utterly pointless moaning about it.

In the modern age the secret is to show that you understand and empathise with the differences between social classes. Most people are used to being dominated in one way or another, even abused in the nicest sense of the word, and few would seriously object to carrying your suitcases, bringing you a glass of wine or, in extremis, tolerating a few minor injuries like Uranium poisoning for a greater cause.

This is one reason why, for example, The Davey Discomfort is still so attractive. Amongst other things, it shows how we in the ORDER can suffer too but are capable of moving on. The peasant thing is there as well because the fishmonger and the waiters all get a tip. (There should be no condescension in the act of tipping though – merely an acknowledgement by both parties that they know who the boss is.)

Lastly, let’s explore drugs. There is nothing in any of the ANTIBELL Movement’s writings or legends that even hint at drug abuse, other than alcohol and tobacco that is, but we’re talking good quality French wine and fine American nicotine. (Granted, the odd draught of laudanum may’ve been taken after wearing an ill-fitting truss cilice, but nothing major.) No, the point is that drugs now account for something like 10% of the worlds GDP and the reality is we simply can’t do without them. If the magic wand was waved and drugs eliminated the entire world economy would crash and burn - we’d all become peasants and have to revert to wearing seabirds on our feet.

World leaders know this full well and, at the same time, are keen to preserve continuing supplies of carbon oil, palm oil, gas and middle-eastern carpets. They therefore do what they can publicly to make the right noises about the scourge of drugs and simultaneously but secretly promote the rights of humble Columbian, Asian or Afghan farmers to make a modest living. It’s a win-win situation that keeps everyone in their place with a high feel-good factor.