Love your neighbour-but keep dry.

There are few things to which I can lay claim to being expert. As "Keeper of the Non-Faith of The Order" and lead disciple responsible for discipline some of my talents are obvious (see chapter The Celtic Warlord and Dark Albino) but having a detailed knowledge of the christian calendar isn't one of them. I drove past a local church earlier and was intrigued by the huge number of cars parked along the road - there must have been over 60, some of which were parked in apparently random fashion on junctions and pavements and at least two very expensive models were doing both.

I'd gone out to play tennis but since it was raining I came home and researched what obvious festival the great and the good were celebrating. I figured it had to be important to bring out such numbers of caring people, all of whom, it seemed, had taken to their cars in a frenzied desire to save some more souls, but who were unable to make the small sacrifice of walking a few hundred yards in the drizzle. It's the Nativity of John the Baptist. The angel Gabriel had done his "you'd better get home quick - you're going to have a baby" trick to John's dad, which came as as much of a shock to him as it did to Joseph and Mary apparently because it struck him dumb for 9 months. "I tell you Josh, I was gobsmacked. I'd been away for 3 weeks fishing and this bloke in a long white dressing gown pitches up and tells me my Liz and me are pregnant. What's more, he says we got to call him John. What sort of name's that then. I tell you mate, I would've decked him but he flew away, calm as you like. I got the last laugh though cos his sandals fell off when he left the ground and he ain't getting them back that's for sure."

Anyway, I seem to remember something in the bible about loving thy neighbour - which in the 80's was quite popular in the village in question. (I ventured to a wife-swapping party once and came away with a workbench which I was very pleased with.) However, this love doesn't appear to stretch to saving the rest of the planet or even people outside the immediate area. I don't know how many tons of carbon dioxide get thrown out every wet Sunday, but it's food for thought.